Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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