I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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