i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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