I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
