1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
