hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
