i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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