He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
