It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
