Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
