Don't EVER smell your tampon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
