i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
