oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
