and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
