Are we in a gay sports bar?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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