Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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