Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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