so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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