he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
