dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
