does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
