i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
