My cat gives me a boner
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
