At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
