I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
