he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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