It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
