just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
