just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
