also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
