My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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