I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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