Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
