How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
