The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
