the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
