dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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