And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
