There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
