Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
