I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
