you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
