I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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