he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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