i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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