he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
