I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
