her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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