wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
