I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
